i could've used a friend tonight


but



there are none

my chest hurts



and i'm done

separation of emotion from physical contact is not an option

why do i try

to end up back home

here?!!!


begging for an end

i sit with gun in hand


knowing i can't


the looming obstacle
one swift pull

3lbs.





PEACE????

i truly can't comprehend

the path of least resistance has left a hole
there is no alternative

i waste away in solitude
yet this is my haven

bliss can't find me here


to venture
is to lose


im so fucking tired


purgatory
nothing to lose
no one to gain


why do you (I) make me hate
is there nothing else?


emotion is disgusting
i can't find where they belong
they must have no place in my insignificance
die alone
to be alone
the search for companionship is absurd

i place them on the seemingly appropriate table
and end up with burning self loathing
and complete absence of human contact

i find solace with a whore
and can't believe ive been so careless
they pour from me like i'll never care again

drunk and fucked

weak

i can't control

i won't

round hole square peg

i just hope it ends soon

promises of plight have manifested into a lump of organic humanity

left to desire the unattainable

unconsciousness as a lifestyle choice

failure.. as a scapegoat
indignity extolled as that's all that remains

inseparable in infinity
with ties to the greatest depredation

consumed, absorbed, excreted
as allegiances contorted to bring pity upon oneself

life as a conscience being
cursed with knowledge
and not blissfully ignorant

what to do as nothing matters
drunkenly stumbling as a fulfilling weekend

passions for unintended byproducts
as we all turn to dust so fuck it

fucking cloud of filth
with no intuitive initiations to feast upon
only the cold the sweating the fuck it all
it can exist only through experience
Even if not being pursued it hunts you
just lingering in the shadows
waiting for friendship(sic)

Initial contact is not at all unpleasant
sedating and satisfying quickly turning into
a self fulfilling prophecy

we cant,

so we won't.

LOW RADIATION

consistent infuriation
modest and determining evaluations
contaminating self reliance with a fleeting desire
infatuation with the push
even unwilling to release inhibitions
and finally be controlled

contradictory self loathing
predicting monumental devastation
blind to the pulsating madness
saturated and dripping with disgusting personality

ingesting the malignance of pure abhorrence
so greedily as to not omit a single crevace
devouring not all thats around
but oneself completely